I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
