and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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