omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize