i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
