It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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