I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
