is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize