I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
