Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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