i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
