proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
