My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
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