I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
