Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
