I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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