Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
