I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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