He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
