I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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