my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
