she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
