is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
