a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
