you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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