official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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