i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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