Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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