It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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