Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
