You're a womanizer and a bitch.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
