meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
