Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
