I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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