you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
