Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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