Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
