I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
