I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
