i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
