Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
