i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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