I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
