You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
