Can i not drive my cunt home
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
