Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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