I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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