Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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