well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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