What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can text with my tongue
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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