You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize