Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
