Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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