Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he laminated a picture of his dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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