I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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