i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
