So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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