Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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