They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
