now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize