Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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