There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
