They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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