D3 body, D1 cock
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize