Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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