He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
