I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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