two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
