I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
