i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize