We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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