....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
