Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
