My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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