Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
