are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
