If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
