First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
