My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
