i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
