Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
