: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
