my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize