I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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