Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
