I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Randomize
