I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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