That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
