We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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